I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
