I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
