So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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