My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
