I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
