SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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