Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
