So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
