I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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