I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
