i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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