Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
