i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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