Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
