Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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