my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
3 2 1 whiskey
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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