Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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