The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
