smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
