Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
