she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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