May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
