Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
