the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
