it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
