I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize