I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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