i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
