According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
