guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
