you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
