Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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