Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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