He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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