she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
