i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
