I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
