It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
