I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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