If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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