next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
