WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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