I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize