she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
