If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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