College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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