I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
