So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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