how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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