Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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