I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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