This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
