Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
