jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
