and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
