Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
