You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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