I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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