do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
