I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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