i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
