i think my mom watched the whole time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
