I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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