started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
