I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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