tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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