I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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