If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
