Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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