Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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