Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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