My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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