I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
