Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
